My Meaning #1

Updated: Nov 19, 2018

How the ugly truth transformed into a beautiful lie.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Matthew & Angie

Before I get to the "ugly truth", let me share some history with you. I met Matthew roaming the halls in Potomac Falls High School back in 2007. He was a freshman - a young buck, and I a junior. We became great friends and nothing more. About a year later we lost touch. He moved schools, while I focused on graduating and getting those college applications out.

In 2011, I had the urge to message him on Facebook, and asked how he'd been. We caught up and bonded so quickly, it still surprises me just thinking about it. A couple days chatting away, we agreed to meet at Starbucks for a coffee. I walked in with my homework that was due the next day, thinking I'd get some work done. How silly of me! We sat in the middle of the coffee shop and exchanged stories on what we've been up to. I'd just been finishing up my third semester at NOVA and he finishing up his last year in high school.

Fast forwarding a bit, after a very complicated several weeks, I had finally given up my old life where I lost myself in unhealthy friendships, to find myself creating a new life with Matthew by my side. He went from a great friend, to my best friend. He encouraged me to fear nothing and dream big! We grew together, and continue to grow each day.

October 2018 - seven years later, we are now happily married and are parents of a beautiful daughter named Gabriella. I feel as it were just yesterday that I stared down at the positive test! The thing is, it's more than just two little hands and two little feet. It's creating a family. It's sharing joy and spreading love. It's a blessing. And to say that Matthew and I together, created such a beautiful little human, is my favorite story in our seven years together. It brings meaning to my world. With that, it will be my first story to share with you, apart from the summary of our history of course...

Before Gabriella

Many of you don't know how Matthew and I found out we were expecting. It's a bit of a plot twist, if you ask me. Matthew and I had been together for 6 years at this point. We moved in together not even a year of dating and in 2017 we bought a house together. Me being a typical woman, I began to make plans - wedding plans. "I can't wait until our wedding." "Look at this ring." "Oh this dress is perfect." I continued to express to Matthew. Back then, I didn't even notice how he never responded. I was so caught up in MY plans rather than OUR plans.

Here is the ugly truth though, the IMPERFECT truth...Matthew didn't want to get married, he just didn't know how to tell me. Until, one night he sat me down at the Panera Bread up the street from our house and slowly spilled the beans. He went on and on about his philosphy on marriage and how it may not be a good idea. I can’t remember the rest, but I do remember my body stiffening in shock. I just sat there, eyes squinted, mouth opened, questioning myself if this was all a dream. After inhaling everything he laid out, I didn't know what to say. Soon enough, I decided to pretend it was okay and we went on through our night in complete awkwardness. He knew he broke my heart. And as soon as he fell asleep, I snuck into our bathroom, covered my face with my shaking hands and fell to the floor sobbing. My heart shattered everywhere that night. I hadn't cried that hard in years. My head was racing, heart pounding and I just couldn't make the tears stop. I thought Matthew and I would never move forward. Minutes had passed, which what felt like hours and I took a deep breath, washed my face, erased everything that happened that night, and went to bed.

Side note: what men don't know is that women start planning their wedding at age FIVE. We create these expectations in our minds and envision it happening. BUT, what us women don't know is that men are chickens when it comes down to marriage. Okay just kidding, it's not that they're chickens, its more of what their beliefs are and how they are so afraid of the 'what if'.

A couple months passed. I never brought up the whole marriage thing again.

Then, November 2017 came around and Matthew's mother got married. He may not admit this, but I believe this triggered something in Matthew's mind, because a couple days later he looked me in the eyes and said, "Lets get married". Just like that, this ugly truth turned into a beautiful lie right before my eyes. He did want to get married, he was just terrified at that point in his life.

We started planning. Matthew and I agreed on something small. We were to get married at the court house and have a dinner gathering at our place. Nothing fancy. The date was set - December 12th 2017.

Get ready for the plot twist I was talking about...

November 29th 2017, Matthew's 25th birthday. While at work I began to notice how off I'd been acting. I felt weird! I googled my symptoms and questioned myself if I was pregnant. I immediately texted Matthew my concerns and rushed home to take a test. Matthew wasn't home at the time, but it was positive! My heart jumped out of my chest. I hugged my pup and whispered "I'm going to be a mom, Louie". Matthew asked for an update, and I wasn't going to ruin this moment by telling him we were going to be parents through a text, so I told him the test was negative. Hehe! I was pacing back and forth waiting for his arrival. "Finally, he's home" I told myself. He came upstairs bummed about the news, asking me if I was okay. I looked at him smiling and yelled out, "it's positive". Oh man, I wish I could have recorded his reaction. He put both hands on his head, threw himself back on the bed and said in the most exciting way, "What the f***!" If you know Matthew he's big on profanity. And just like that, we decided to get married the very next day.

That's our imperfect story - the bits and pieces at least. ;)

Stay tuned for My Meaning #2...


Free Your Meaning® - (AA)

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